wanted to try something with my least favourite colours purple and green and oh, look how ugly it is. so why not just go all the way and make it as ugly as possible, right? also, Adobe CC 2019’s Freeform Gradient is really something huh. anyway the Mandarin words are from the lyrics of one of my current favourite songs. 阿就那樣啊，死不了. 🤷🏻♀️
it’s been a good month of catching up with people (*cues* dong dong qiang), especially friends who were back from overseas and are going back to school. had some epiphanies. the absurd concepts didn’t stop (at one point I thought that humans owning pet(s) is a really weird thing). otherwise, life is… so far so good.
learning… photo composition. back to the basics. realise I’m one who always chase after lights but never think through my composition properly. 😅
wanting… to study war tactics and economics. I love what my friends said to me a few months ago, “why bother going back to school when you can learn these stuffs on your own? by reading?”
starting… to see myself as scary hahahaha. despite saying a lot online, I’m usually a quiet person. on top of that, I have a resting bitch face. so people are always saying, “hmm why don’t you talk???” then, I started to notice myself in the mirror and realise that wow, there really could be a thousand odd thoughts running through my head and all I show is my usual resting bitch face. you know, mama said, if you have nothing good to say, then don’t say anything at all. which is why I’m always quiet. it’s not that I don’t have much to say, it’s that they’re… argh you won’t want to listen, trust me.
feeling… 患得患失 (sorry I don’t think there’s a good way of putting this in English :\).
listening… to Jinji Kikko by Sunset Rollercoaster. thanks a lot for the CD, Haox!
realising… that I’ve always seen Barter System wrongly. and you know what wakes me up? thinking of why bribery works so perfectly.
thinking… if freewill is really “free” thanks to Bandersnatch (you know those parts when it doesn’t matter which option you choose, it leads to the same thing) and this song by Hello Nico.
hating… how the media inflate and manipulate stories. I know, it’s nothing new, I’ve studied it for four years. but nowadays it’s more like… I see the effects firsthand and I can’t help but feel like we’re merely a piece of chess who can’t see the entire big game and we’re being used so that the powerful stays powerful. which is why I started thinking if freewill is actually “free”.
(just trying. yep. you got it right. you didn’t read it wrong. there’s nothing after “trying…”)